Sava: Well....because I love you both a lot, but I like him better than you, and I want him here.
I: Oh, that breaks my heart a bit...
Back in the house later, after Rado and I had had a good laugh over this, Rado told Sava that I was sad because of what Sava had said to me. Sava acted remorseful for all of about five seconds, and then said in a most earnest voice:
But I do like you, too, mommy....Just one number less than tati.
We had to laugh. This was so Sava and so, I am sad to admit, true. Sava never says anything he doesn't mean. Raya just turned sixteen months old, and we realize that instead of things getting better in terms of how much time and attention we give to each child, they have gotten worse than when she was a newborn. Amazing. My days are consumed with pumping for Raya, morning and evening, feeding Raya meals that often last forty-five to sixty minutes, nursing Raya to sleep both for nap and in the evening, disciplining Raya when she acts like a little brat. Sava is mostly a witness to all those moments, but he rarely participates and often feels excluded. For instance, when we feed Raya a meal, Sava patiently waits in another room because she cannot have him at the table: if he is there, she is distracted by what she perceives as the excellent opportunity, while sitting across from him, to draw his attention and engage in play.
Sava is wonderfully patient with both us and her, but I can't help wondering how he will remember those early days some time down the road. Will he resent us for having forced him to grow up too soon? Will he blame me for spending so much time nursing and feeding his sister, even though that is exactly what we did at this age for him? Will he always like his dad better because, by the nature of things right now, he is the one able to spend more time with him?
Whatever the answers, I hope he grows up to realize that, while he loves me one number less than dad, I love him as much as I am able to love anyone, and always will.
Because of all the preoccupation with feeding, this week stands out not for the ordinary and mundane, which I normally value (except when it is tied to feeding reluctant eaters), but for two highlights which served to remind us why it is worth living here--
We took a hike in an open space preserve overlooking Los Altos hills; it was the perfect weather in the perfect season, and we all could have stayed there for hours:
Can one find a better changing table?
Cows and a lake in what appeared to be private property bordering the preserve.
*****
By a happy confluence of circumstances, this week we also came into a set of three tickets for a family performance of the San Francisco Symphony in Davies Hall. Given Sava's continuing interest in the violin, and his apparent love for classical music, we thought this was a good opportunity to check out and consider getting a subscription to the symphony. I didn't go, but Rado, my mom, and Sava all reported that it was a wonderful experience. Sava only endured the fist half, because it was "too loud" (Rado agrees it was), but he was apparently entranced. If not for the volume, he likely would have stayed the second half as well.
No comments:
Post a Comment