"The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched."
H. D. Thoreau, Walden
This week Raya stopped nursing, and I fell in love with Kindle.
I'm finding it hard to think about nursing, and the end of it especially, without being either clinical or sappy about it. I can tell how exactly we went about weaning (slowly), how many days it took (a few), whether Raya seemed deeply affected (answer: not), what new rituals we concocted (singing Zaichenceto Bialo) in order to put her to sleep for nap and bedtime which have worked wonderfully...or I can attempt to describe how unspeakably much I miss our midnight dream-feeds, which were the last to go, because I couldn't bring myself not to nurse her just one more time, even though she had not nursed all day two days in a row, and because I couldn't bear not to feel her warm body snuggled against mine, her hand clutching my shirt or lacing my fingers, her head heavy with the exhaustion of a full day. All these convey some and none of the actual experience.
The long and short of it is that my little girls is done nursing and, unless life really surprises us, I am not likely ever to nurse again. Sava got breastmilk, lots of it, until seventeen months, but for the last ten months I pumped exclusively, spending long hours tied to a machine without any of the intimacy that is the true gift of nursing. With Raya's reflux horrendously out of control from birth, I never thought I'd make it past the first few months, but it did get easier with time and, even though it was never as effortless as I hear it gets for other moms, it's been one of the most humanizing experiences I've ever had. And for that I'll always treasure the memory of nursing my little girl.
*****
This week it rained a lot and, as I've noted before on this here blog, things get a bit loopy when it rains for days on end. The kids are really into dancing now, and thanks to a bunch of Putumayo CDs from the library, we've filled a few hours with twirling and rocking....add a few random scarves, and everyone is pretty happy...
He went to school with this tie all.week.long. Skirt made of scarf and another scarf on his head, per his request.
It was an excellent week to put those rain boots to work--
How many pictures can you take of a cute baby in purple boots? Answer: never too many.
And we couldn't not go to the Children's Museum--
Watching "rain"--hence, the concerned expression.
*****
It just so happened that weaning Raya coincided with my birthday, which gave all of us an excuse to spend time with friends--
How many knock-knock jokes can two nearly-five-year olds tell over brunch? Answer: never too many.
*****
And if it looks like I am in awful hurry to wrap up this week's post, here's why: my thoughtful loving husband gave me a Kindle for my birthday. It was a complete surprise, as we had discussed the subject at length and concluded (I thought) that it was a big investment which we were not prepared to make, for philosophical as much as practical reasons. We don't like Amazon's monopoly on the e-book business, and we resent having to buy Kindle books only in order to read on the Kindle reader.
But....I had trialed a Kindle that belongs to Rado's colleague a couple of months ago, and against every better judgment, I had fallen in love with the damn thing. Not just any kind of love. Love at first sight and feel.
Might be hard to believe, but I have a profound dislike for reading on the computer or, worse yet, on a phone screen. Lighted screens hurt my eyes and seem to detract from the reading experience in a way that makes it impossible for me to imagine reading a novel or an essay on anything other than a printed page.
Kindle allows me to step away from this dichotomy of screen and print, and offers the convenience of changeable font and size with ink that is soft on my eyes and the feathery lightness of a Signet Shakespeare classic.
I'd been rereading Thoreau's Walden, slowly, for the past couple of weeks, and I am now on its last chapter on my Kindle. Purchased for $1 last night, it took around fifteen seconds to arrive and open on my screen.
Before I got my fancy new reader, I was going to devote this post to Thoreau and his enduring vision of the natural world, but now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with him on the Kindle for my last chapter. I'll report back next week.
Happy week to all.
No comments:
Post a Comment